The Scottish Conundrum

As a fan of English football the question of whether the old firm pairing of Rangers and Celtic should be allowed to enter the Premier League is becoming tedious.  It's a debate that has been raging for as long as I can remember and, occasional lip service from pundits and officials aside, nobody seems to be adding anything new to the issue.  I'd like to clear things up once and for all (and, yes, I'd like to think my opinion does carry that much weight)...  Rangers and Celtic are based in Glasgow.  Glasgow, Scotland, not Glasgow, England.  There isn't even a Glasgow, England, as far as I'm aware.  If that isn't a good enough reason not to allow them entry into the English Premier League then I really don't know what is.

Yes, I can hear you all now screaming at your computer screens, 'But what about Swansea, Cardiff and Wrexham?', as if Newport County, Merthyr Tydfil and Colwyn Bay never existed.  Well, Swansea, Cardiff, Wrexham and Newport all joined the English system in early 1920's when, as I'm sure you can imagine, things were a bit different - there was certainly no Setanta in those days - and Merthyr Tydfil and Colwyn Bay both paid their dues in the lowest of the lowest Welsh divisions before being allowed in the lowest of the lowest English divisions.  Are Celtic and Rangers willing to spend a few years playing against the likes of Bamber Bridge, Otten Albion and Leigh Genesis (I believe Phil Collins is a fan... titter) in order to gain passage into the upper echelons of English football?  I highly doubt it.

Let's for arguments sake say that the two Glaswegian outfits are allowed to jump ship for the more profitable and entertaining English Premier League... who misses out?  Does the Premier League, as has been suggested on numerous occasions recently, become a two tier system?  If so, who loses their Premier League priviliges?  As it stands now, that might include Bolton, West Ham, Fulham and Everton... I'm sure there fans would be happy.  Or do we simply incorporate Glasgow's finest at the expense of two of the Championship promotion places?  West Brom, Newcastle and Middlesboro might miss out and the Championship would be cheapened, possibly beyond repair, but what the hell, Celtic and Rangers bring with them vast followings and untold riches.

The extra exposure up North and the cold hard cash that would follow is the one thing that might turn the FA's head.  We all know they're a sucker for a shiny pound coin and if they think that the Glasgow teams can add something substantial to their coffers, then maybe, just maybe, things might get passed the procrastination stage.  However, the English Premier League is already a sporting giant in a stratosphere of its very own.  It is affluent, glamorous, exciting and the envy of nations around the globe.  My point is, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

I'm a fair man though.  I'm willing to admit that there are a hundred reasons for these two proud Scottish clubs entry in the Premier League.  The catch is that all of them seem to favour the clubs rather than the league.  Celtic and Rangers, tired of deciding the league during four annual old firm derbies, would relish the challenge.  They would want to test their mettle against some of Europe's finest on a weekly basis and they would enjoy any success that affirms their tireless groans that the Scottish League isn't/wasn't the Peter Andre of European football.

From an English Premier League fan's point of view, I've got to pose the question, what's in it for me?  I'm happy with the way things are right now and whilst people might suggest that Celtic and Rangers have the ability and clout to ruffle the feathers of the Big Four (or Five if you include Man City, or Four if you include City but take out Liverpool, or Seven if you include City, Liverpool, Spurs and Villa... etc.), I would suggest that's utter manure.  They can raise there game once in a while during a European campaign, sure, but over the course of a season I would argue that they would both struggle to finish top half of the current table.

It's not in a name...

Mike Ashley appears to have overstepped a mark this time. The rotund and hapless Newcastle chairman has ridden the tackles of dire on-field performances, a seemingly endless managerial merry go round and a public auction for a club that only attracted day trippers, mad men and shysters, but he’s gone too far this time, say the Newcastle United fans.

To be fair to Newcastle fans they’ve never liked him and with good reason. Mike Ashley is a football disaster zone and has been ever since he waddled into St James Park, kissing the badge on his stretched barcode shirt. But he’s still there, mind you. He’s still trying to mend bridges with the Geordie fans who have seen their beloved team fall from English football’s top tier like a week old sparrow being pushed from the nest by a cruel but well-meaning mother. With that simile in mind, Ashley’s recent plan to rename and brand St James’ Park is like the sparrow’s mother surveying the bloodied carcass of her offspring before pooping on it from a great height.

Where will it all end? What next, now Newcastle’s spiritual home has been renamed ‘sportsdirect.com @ St James' Park Stadium’? Change the kit? How about a nice yellow and cream striped number? Oh… wait a minute…

We can, and will, laugh and poke fun at our Geordie counterparts but in all seriousness I sympathise with Ashley. There’s little doubt that he’s made some horrendous decisions during his tenure but he never set out to screw Newcastle United. In fact common sense tells us that by doing that he’d only be screwing himself. The fact the club are now off the market and it seems Ashley is going nowhere must suggest that he wants to forget a regrettable first two and a half years in charge and move the club onward and upward. Regaining their place in the Premier League will be step one of his plan, but I’m sure he’s also looking for a more long term strategy, that includes cementing their place in the top flight and eventually challenging for trophies. Easier said than done indeed, but the one thing we can all agree on is that it will be expensive. Any club who thinks they can sustain a Premier League spot by mere will power alone are certifiably delusional. And this is where sponsorship is absolutely crucial.

Newcastle United, despite the bleating of their fans, aren’t a top club anymore. You can’t really be a top club, in my eyes, if you’re not in the top division. This comes at a price and the amount sponsors are willing to pay to be associated with your club becomes diluted. So what do you do? Well, you try to find more sponsors, and then you offer those sponsors something different so they give you more bags of cash. It’s not molecular physics, people. As Arsenal, Bolton and several other clubs have found out an excellent source of revenue can be found in offering the naming rights to your stadium. This is what Ashley is proposing for next season, whilst using the end of this season to publicise his company, which he is entitled to do. A good, long-term source of revenue, previously ignored, that can get his club back on track.

Hallelujah, cry the people of Newcastle, as Ashley is hoisted aloft and praised as a shrewd and canny businessman, ready to lead them to the Promised Land.

Not really. The Newcastle fans are actually disgusted. That this man can have the nerve to even think about talking about muttering the suggestion that St James Park could be renamed in order to financially secure the club is, in their eyes, the sin of all sins. What will this devil-man do for an encore? Kill their first born? Bugger their fathers? Demand they keep their shirts on during their December matches?

Ashley can be accused of many things but not of having short arms and deep pockets. He has spent a considerable amount of his own personal wealth on Newcastle, but his finances, like every other Chairman in football, are finite and he must find new revenue sources if they are to become a force once more. Selling the naming rights to their ground is a positive and justified decision, even if it is an unpopular one.

Forme, the Newcastle fans need to get some perspective. It’s a name. That’s all it is. The club’s soul doesn’t reside purely in its buildings and it certainly doesn’t reside in what those buildings are called. A club’s soul is in its fans and its history and its legacy. Ashley is trying to make sure that in twenty years time his legacy is one of financial consistency, which will hopefully breed on-field success and if the Newcastle fans don’t understand that, they should ask themselves if they’d rather be watching a league game at St James Park… against Scunthorpe United.